i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
