Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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