lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
