If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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