he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
