I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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