I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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