awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
