Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
