then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
