shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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