your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I will die if light touches me.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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