I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
false alarm, still single
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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