Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
