What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
