he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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