I just threw up on my dentist
it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
