The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
