I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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