We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
