All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
