This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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