i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
