i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
