I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
