She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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