I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
