So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
