I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
