I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
