your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
