i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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