we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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