think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
