garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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