I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
