I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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