At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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