He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
