i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
