One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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