It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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