I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
