I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
