Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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