Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
