my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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