Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
