woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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