there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
