Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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