I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
