I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
