Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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