you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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