u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
